Match Yourself

Match yourself.

When I was in college, everyone was crazy about these imported sneakers. At that period we did not have any well known brands and India had not opened up the markets. They were expensive and many couldn’t afford those and were available in smuggled goods stores.

When one guy asked his father for a pair of shoes like that, the father asked whether he would carry them on his head if he bought them. Because they cost five times the cost of Indian expensive ones. While the boy wanted shoes of that class, he wore badly tailored shirt and trousers and a cheap belt if he owned one. What is the logic in sporting an imported pair of shoes when your dressing implies either you have bought a stolen good or you have been gifted by someone from abroad? They don’t match. 

All of us have an inbuilt mechanism of impressing others and we spend a lot of time doing that. We want to be better and superior to others. Everything we do always revolve around impressing others, to be noticed and respected. From the time we start realizing about ourselves in childhood we build this mechanism to be superior to others. Everyone is trying to beat the other and claim I am better than you.

(You can read my other blog called I am better than you. Though a different topic, indirectly talks about this. https://pradski.blogspot.com/search?q=i+am+better+than+you.)

One famous professor in Chennai once asked me whether I was jealous in life. Like everyone else I denied. He went on to explain to me it’s good to be jealous as long as it doesn’t turn me in to someone with bad attitude and revengeful. Jealousy in moderation makes you achieve and better yourself in life. Moderate jealousy about someone better than you is the reason you fight out and achieve. It builds you competitive spirit and helps you to achieve goals. Excessive jealousy may consume you in to revengeful bigot even after achieving certain goal. You build negative energy and alter your attitude in turn using illegal means to beat and break the other person as you cannot accept him or her in your competition. 

I was giving the example of how we are noticed and appreciated in society. When you drive an expensive in to a place, many people around would be watching who is driving that car. Your trousers, sock and shoe are the first thing visible to them when you alight and they form an impression and will judge you, whether you own the car or you are chauffer. If you drive around a three to four million car and do not have the basic taste in your dressing you don’t match. 

Once I was travelling and met a young man who happened to be my wife’s classmate. While we were talking he told me about how he was finding it difficult to get a girl for marriage as he was bald. He wanted my opinion as I was totally bald and how to go about it and whether he should go for hair transplant. Balding is one the nightmares of men. When a man goes bald, he goes through a phase of denial and depression. He does every possible thing in the world to safeguard his hair. At the same time his attitude and body language change. He is conscious about his baldness all the time. He avoids society (not literally), covers himself with hat and he grows left over hair longer to cover the bald patch. This gets him bigger ridicule than the totally bald and it gets him more depression. I was telling this young man about how a girl who is aware of her future should be judging him.

 A man is judged by three things, his hanky, socks and his underwear if you get a chance. A bald man hiding his hair is worse than the totally bald man. Well trimmed bald hair, either whatever left of or totally shaved should be right look. Well dressed to the extent affordable, without body odour and well manicured with a pleasant personality is the way you should approach for a partner. One expensive item doesn’t qualify. A Rolex watch while the shoes are not shined doesn’t match. Well dressed (expensive dress and shoes) but you have stuck your lengthy hair from your back to the forehead doesn’t match. Many girls want their fiancée to look young with hair. It is difficult accept a bald man. They have to show the fiancée to their friends and relatives to make them envious and feel elated. 

Indian roads are a world by itself with lot of arrogance and road rage. Two wheeler riders are on roads to impress more than reaching a destination. They do not wear helmets and ride dangerously. Altering the silencer to make lot of noise and doing stunts at the cost of others only to impress and to be noticed. Using phone while riding and risking their and

others only to show off. Holding their phones on their shoulder to speak and using social media while riding and obstruct the traffic. They drive in the middle of the road and obstruct traffic. Seriously they want people to appreciate and respect. Car owners are no different and their behavior is obnoxious to say the least. How do they you match? 

You must have noticed realtors wearing thick gold chains and bracelets driving around in expensive cars. Rich elite will not be wearing them. Many who go around like this would have acquired wealth in a short span without core values of life. While the wealth makes them rich, they lack sophistication of the years long education and personality building. They assume displaying wealth over body could satisfy their ego and compensate. They are trying to say Hey, elite I am wealthy too, accept us in your elite club. Only the sidekicks will appreciate them, while the world sees the obvious. Same thing you see in lot of women who wear higher number of ear rings. 

In professional circles, many highly qualified have this mismatch. Having mastered in certain specialty they are not only masters in their subject but demand equal respect in other matters which they not mastered. People respect for mastered subject but they may not accept your claim in the subject you have not mastered. Just because you are a super specialist in one subject doesn’t mean you can claim authority in a subject which you know casually. These issues cause friction among colleagues and your team. People have differences and ego in the same field. If you have a bad attitude you would try to hurt the other with your ego. Competition among colleagues can turn in to a cold war, which may lead to jealousy and revenge. Jealousy will help in achieving in terms of higher of learning and achieving better, at the same using the opportunity to gossip and score an upper hand. At the same time they may go downhill personally trying to pull the other down, which is appreciated by the other faculty and colleagues.  Jealousy would have been indirect display of their inadequacies personally. Though in reality they walk around with superiority complex, inner self definitely is proving them that they are not. They would have done everything the other has done, yet they are not satisfied. They always will have sidekicks and others who prompt and join in this onslaught. Slowly they lose the reputation and respect while they climb on a high of self appreciation and from the sidekicks. They demand  

We use lot of display in our life to communicate to the society and immediate circle of ours to be respected and accepted. We pick up certain selective characteristic attitude to impress others while we may be medieval in personal attitude and behavior. We give importance to obvious display which are recognized and respected. Many things we avoid and hide which are noticed by others. And respect and recognition gets limited approval. What good does it serve being highly qualified in certain specialty and lacking common sense and civic sense. When you go through social media posts and forwards, sometimes wonder that everyone has achieved nirvana the ultimate conscience. Sometimes I tell them at least follow what you forward. In reality most of them do not understand where they stand. It is not easy being what you claim to be.

You cannot attain class with selective maneuvers of life and demand respect. Respect is earned by showing class in every aspect of life and matching to the standard which you want to have. Many get lost and spend lot of money and energy in the hope to attain this. In reality anyone can have a class with simple living and yet have lot of following and respect